Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Going or Staying

"You better finish that before we go," I warned. "There's no way we're packing it."

Mike looked up from his latest reading endeavor, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. He squinted his eyes at me, insulted I would suggest it would take him so long to finish such a 'great book.' But he knows it is true. Of the new books he received last month as Christmas gifts from my family (don't ask), he chose to first read the hardbound, 749-page book over the small paperbacks.

That's how many of our thoughts are working these days. In the shower, I'm rationing my body wash. In the kitchen, I'm finally preparing cans of baked beans leftover from Mike's bachelor days. In the living room, we're wondering what to do with our beloved (and enormous) hamster, Pisco. I am starting to see everything in packable categories: frames, clothes, books, kitchen utensils, Goodwill, etc. But, first, everything must first fall into one of two categories: 'Going' or 'Staying.'

Mike and I explored those two categories ourselves for a while, first back in January when we were offered positions with TWR, and then again this fall when fundraising wasn't going as planned. 'Going' or 'staying'? I have told God several times this year, "Just tell us, God." (Okay, more than several times.) Each time, I am reminded of all the instances in my entire life where I've pleaded the exact same line over and over again. Each time, God waited patiently until I settled into simply trusting Him, and only then were plans revealed that were so much greater than I imagined. (See: overseas internship, husband, Cedarville, etc.)

Just this morning, sitting on my bed with my Bible, I was thinking about God's nudging to Michael and I to pursue ministry full-time. How? When? Where? Really?! I literally said outloud: "Just say it, God!" Have I learned anything? Maybe I have because, instead of kicking and screaming this time, I simply laughed and felt at peace; perhaps God hasn't said it when I wanted Him to, but He has never, ever failed to show me abundantly in His good and perfect plan.